Ok, so I am not much of a blogger this is the beginning. I am not exactly sure how much I am willing to share or if anyone cares but I need an outlet where I can write and vent frustrations and successes. Is there a twelve step process for FAT women?
Yes, I am Fat... wow maybe that is step one admitting to myself that I am obese. I have been overweight for a long time and I can not blame anyone except myself for this. I used to say I was big boned. HA! That is a joke. I also used to blame Depo shots after I had my child but I know that the only thing I can blame is myself. One thing I am just beginning to realize and admit to myself is that I have never had a good self esteem. Even in High school I thought I was fat. I was jealous of the skinny girls and I always had in the back of my mind a tiny voice that screamed "YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!"
On the outside I acted like I was fine and I had friends but now looking back I realize that i was hiding huge self esteem issues. I never really dated or had a boyfriend. I buried myself in activities Choir and Theatre were my creative outlets but I was not good enough to get the solo or the part in the play. While I never held any grudges I was crushed each time a skinny pretty girl got the solo or the part in the play that i wished for. So did I give up heck no! I jumped in and became the girl behind the scenes.
So now i sit at over 300 pounds and I need to begin to do something about it!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
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