Reality Check

You wake up and realize you feel like crap. You know that you have the tools and you are not using them... You spend hard earned money on something to just let it sit and collect dust. I have to figure out why I am still allowing myself to sink into old patterns. I love food it however does not love me! I have allowed myself to bounce back up higher then I have ever been in my life. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I watch all the shows Biggest Loser, Heavy, Ruby, and more. I know that I am not alone in my struggle but for some reason I cannot seem to get a handle on things every time I think I am finally gonna make the necessary change I do great for a short burst of time and then quickly fall back into my old habits. I almost wish I had someone to follow me around and kick me every time I make the wrong choices. My own personal Jillian! I work on my feet all day in a hot kitchen and by the time I get off work I am exhausted. Every muscle and bone in my body aches I am afraid that if I don't change soon I will soon be unable to move. I convince myself I am doing fine that I am able to work am that is a small blessing but in reality I am barely existing! I HAVE GOT TO CHANGE!

A Mother's Pride!

I am always proud of my children. They are good kids. Now I am not saying they are perfect by other's standards and yes they do make mistakes, but they are perfect to me!

My youngest Rachel is growing into a beautiful young lady! She recently turned 13 and I can hardly believe it. Only yesterday she was a baby in my arms. Now she is a smart young lady balancing many wonderful talents and I couldn't be prouder of her! She gets good grades and does very well in school she is currently the leading role of Alice in her schools musical "Wonderland." She took 1st place in her school Science fair, district Science fair and regional science fair this year, and her group is headed to state for their history day project, a documentary on the Ludlow Massacre.

Rachel and her group @ History Day Regionals 2011

As I mentioned a couple days ago I had the blessed opportunity to speak to my wonderful step-daughter Amber. She is doing wonderfully in L.A. She is carrying a 4.0 GPA and working towards her goal of competing in the TCA (toughest cadet alive) competition. She also shared that she had auditioned for her school musical and that they are doing Once Upon A Mattress! This show is a favortie of mine as it was the first musical my freshamn year of high school and I am excited to tell you that she was cast as Queen Aggravain! This is so exciting to me and I anxiously hope that I will be able to see this on video I am so extremely proud of her also!

Amber in last years PSAS production of Mulan in the role of Mushu

As for my son Alex, all I can say is I am very worried about him. I know that he is making me proud and getting good grades because that is how I raised him, but at this time I am not allowed contact with him and that hurts and I miss him so very much! He is a good boy and I do not understand why they would cut off his contact with the outside world, not just me but his two sisters also! I pray for him and hope with all my heart that he continues to go to his new church family there in Texas and that he will work hard and be the young man that I know in my heart he is!

Alex being inducted into South's National Honor Society last spring.

My ISA has arrived! I am so excited! I cannot wait to start in the morning! I am all ready I have prepared my shake my putting my ISALean Shake powder into my blender bottle and packing my ISASnacks in a baggie so I can grab them as I head out the door for work in the morning! Just like when I used to prepare sack lunches for the kids when they were younger! :) I can just get up get ready and grab my sack Breakfast as I roll out the door! LOL

I have to say I was impressed the Shake Powder actually smelled good! I read about people becoming ISAHolics and I can already imagine me actually craving my Shakes! I Am ready and I have so many supporters already who are ready to cheer me on :) I love this!

Stay tuned in to my blog to find out more about my journey. Also Update will come tomorrow as i am out of time to write more tonight but I have to share i spoke to Amber tonight and it was wonderful so get ready for my brag fest tomorrow! :) XOXOXO Night all :)

Ok so wow, I am doing this I posted Photos on my Journey page on Facebook today and I must admit I am very anxious about it. I have not ever posted photos like these before but This is the beginning of a new me. I promise to be brutally honest and put everything out there that I can. Both good and Bad even if I hate the way I look I know now that I am at a turning point and everything is going to change from here on out. I need to show my starting point, the worst so that I can see for myself the changes visually. I need to show others where I am so that they can follow along and see my progress. I my not like it but this is my first step in making a change in myself and seeing things in a new light! I have not put myself out there in a bathing suit ever!

So as you can see I decide why not go a step further put it out here in my blog as well. Show every fold and roll every horrible lump and bump! These images are scary to me I do not see myself like this in my mind. I am not this person. I will not continue to let myself look like this Everything starts to change today!

Weight @ Home ~ 306lbs.

Weight @ Doctor's Office ~ 308.6

Height ~ 5' 9"

Measurements=

Neck ~17"

Upper Arm (Left) ~ 16"

Upper Arm (Right) ~ 17"

Bust ~ 56"

Diaphragm ~ 51"

Waist ~ 54"

Abdomen ~ 57.5"

Buttocks ~55.5"

Upper Thigh (Left) ~ 30.5"

Upper Thigh (Right) ~ 32"

Calf (Left) ~ 19.25"

Calf (Right) ~ 20"

Upper Knee (Left) ~ 21.5"

Upper Knee (Right) ~ 21.75"

Total Inches ~ 469"

Jennifer's Journey

Ok, I know I have said this before and I will most likely say it again. I am not good at keeping up posts. I need motivation and when I fall off the wagon of the healthy train I lose all motivation. Today I took a step forward. I contacted an old friend from College and had a wonderful chat with her. Kristin is a huge inspiration for me and I am in awe at her positive spirit and complete and total belief in me. You can follow Kristin's original Blog Here.... Losin' It and she is currently working on a new blog Strength Conquers All. I am going to follow her advice from our phone call today and no longer use the word try. In the words of Yoda, "Do or do not there is no try."

Goals

Every time I log onto YouTube or Facebook I see where people I follow or people I know are setting goals for themselves. I have set goals in the past. My problem is I never seem to follow through with those goals. Oh I achieve small victories every now and then in my larger scheme of things. Like when I went to the doctor yesterday. I was happy that I had lost some weight but I always seem to bounce around where my weight is concerned. I need to seriously sit down and think about what I want out of my new life. I know that I want to lose weight. I know that I want to quit smoking. I know that I want to finish college. I want a lot of things. I guess now I need to set realistic goals even if they are small ones.

Main Goals

1. Lose Weight

2. Quit Smoking

3. Finish College

Ok so there I have a list, it is small but yet the desires in it are very huge for me. I need to do all three of these things. I need to lose the weight and get healthier for many reasons but mainly I want to do this for myself! I weigh 301 lbs. in the larger scheme of this goal I would like to weigh about 170 lbs. That means I need to loose 131 lbs. I know this sounds huge to me. So I must break this down into smaller goals baby steps that are reasonable and healthy. So to reach this goal I must first start to exercise more. Ok so to reach this goal I need to be accountable. How am I going to do that? I have no idea yet.

301 lbs. Life again is changing!

Wow so ok I know that I have not been on in over a year and a lot has changed. I am now divorced and dealing with the issues of that. I am also working, not full time yet but hey I have a job! I also have survived... ok so now to the reason I came to Blog......

Ok so I went to the Doctor for my annual physical and I will admit I was scared to step on the scale this morning. As I gingerly stepped up I could not take my eyes off the scale good or bad, I was just gonna have to face the reality of what the scale said. the display flashed until it finally settled 301 pounds okay so it was not so bad. Now I know... 301 pounds is still morbidly obese but I felt as if I had a small victory. At least I had not gained. So anyway Life is once again changing for me after a wonderful year with my three beautiful children I am now going to only have one of them living with me. Alex and Amber are off to new adventures and I miss them terribly. They left on the 29th of May for Los Angeles, California. My heart broke into three parts that weekend. Rachel left for a month the very next day to her Dad's in Texas.

Amber will be living with her mother in L.A. She starts high school finally a freshman in the fall at Woodrow Wilson High where she will be a Mule! I am excited for her she was accepted into a LAPD magnet program at this high school. She is driven and will succeed in what ever she sets her mind to!

Alex will be living with his Father in Colorado City, Texas. This move was not an easy one for me or Alex. He did not want to leave and I certainly did not want him to either, but life is funny and choices that Alex made this past spring have dictated his options and he was given the choice of either L.A. with mom or Texas with dad and I am happy for him that he choose to be with dad. I know that this will give him a chance to bond with his father and be with his wonderful family there. He will be attending Colorado High School (home of the Wolves) as a Junior in the fall.

Which leaves Rachel and I here in Pueblo. We will go on as we always do I am sure but it will be very different and Alex and Amber will be missed. I will be counting the days until their return for a visit. Although at this point I am not sure when that will be.